Prescottballs

I've always hated John Prescott, I won't beat around the bush about it. He's an unprincipled piece of shite with the morals of a dog, and he has betrayed his roots and everything that he ever stood for.

He's been my number one hate figure for years, so much so that I originally named the CEP Blog 'Who do you think you are kidding Mr Prescott?' in recognition of his contempt for English democracy.

Let's take a look at his legacy:

The Dome
Integrated Transport Policy
M4 Bus Lane
Rail Disasters
Elected Regional Assemblies
'Indirectly Elected' Regional Assemblies
Fire Fighters Strike
Bulldozing Northern Victorian Terraces
Building on Southern Greenbelt
Council Tax Evasion
Pies for Stadiums
Extra-matrital Affairs
Domegate

Not much there to commend him to anybody. The latest scandal - 'Domegate' - is pretty tame stuff, of such little consequence that I really can't be bothered commenting upon it other than to offer up a fervent prayer that it is the straw that finally breaks Prescott's back. But let's resist the temptation to wallow in his misfortune, however fun that may be. Let us instead wallow in Prescott's stupidity with this fine collection of quotes:

On the House of Lords

"I don’t want to be a member of the House of Lords. I will not accept it."

On Blogs

"I think it's something on the internet, blogs or something. I've only just got used to letters, John. I haven't got into all that new technology."

On the Dome

“the first big test of competence for the Labour government”

“If we can’t make this work, we’re not much of a government.”

On Transport

"I've got nothing against cars. I'm ‘Two Jags’ Prescott for God's sake. I love a car. I enjoy it like everyone else ... the stereo music, the comfortable seats, the freedom to go where you want, the flexibility."

"I've got a ten year transport plan.”

Just before Hatfield and Welham Green rail crashes, after which he was 'relocated'.

"I will have failed if in 5 years time there are not fewer journeys made by car. It is a tall order but I urge you to hold me to it."

"Because of the security reasons for one thing and, second, my wife doesn't like to have her hair blown about. Have you got another silly question?"

When asked why he had taken a car 250 yards instead of walking.

"Barbara Castle brought in seat belts and drink-driving."

On Devolution/Regionalisation

“Opponents of regionalisation must answer this question: if devolution is good enough for the Scots and Welsh why would people deny that choice to the people of England?”

On Violence

"I hope that we can get back to campaigning on the real issues in this election, with proper and open political debate with people, without any violence or intimidation."

After punching someone in the face.

"It was a frightening and regrettable incident, which involved two female assistants being knocked to the ground."

"If they suggest, when I get angry, that I totally lose my temper and get out of control, I think you have to look at the record. Yes, I can get angry, and I often have more reason than most to do so because the machine tends to be working against me. I don't get a fair whack. But if you look at the decisions I make they are all pretty rational ones. I don't pursue vendettas or punch people on the nose."

"Frankly, I think the evidence is accumulating in such a way that if a private Bill presented itself to the Commons to ban boxing I would vote for it."

"Macho? Moi?"

On Flip-flops

“We will be quite united in our view about the course of action we decide to take."

On the Iraq War that he initially opposed and then decided to support.

On the Database State

"Entitlement cards will not be compulsory, but everyone will have to have one."

On Class

"You can walk down the street and see who's working class and who's middle class. It's in the way we drive, the way we are, the way we dress. I am not getting back into whether I am middle class - clearly, I am."

"Every time I see the Countryside Alliance and their contorted faces I redouble my determination to vote in the House of Commons to abolish foxhunting forever."

On Triumphalism

"We did it! Let's wallow in our victory!"

After Tony Blair's warning against triumphalism at the Labour Party Conference.

On Journalists

"Bugger off. Get on your bus, you amateur.”

"Oooh, I'm scared. Go ahead and put it in your paper."

On the Greenbelt

“The Green Belt is a Labour achievement, and we mean to build on it.”

On Human Rights

“I’m keen to learn more about Malaysia’s approach to being a successful multi-ethnic, multi-religious, multi-cultural society in a rapidly-changing world. I’ve come to Malaysia, not just to represent my government - but also to listen and to learn about your approach to achieving peaceful co-existence in your communities."

Before meeting lawyer Haris Ibrahim, representing a widow who was jailed for two years as an ‘apostate’ for trying to renounce Islam.

On Foreign Affairs

“It’s very nice to be here in Malaya”.

He said, using the country’s old colonial name.

On Art

"He didn't like heads, did he?"

Commenting on a Henry Moore sculpture

On Schools

"Trouble is, if you build a good school, they all want to go to it"

On the homeless

"It is a fact that homelessness has continued to rise. It doubled under the previous Administration, but that does not help us. The Government intend to reduce—and probably eliminate—the homeless by 2008. [Interruption.] I am sorry, but the House knows that I have problems with English. I did not go to public school, so there is a limit to what I am able to say. Opposition Members can be such twits. We believe that we can eliminate the problem of homelessness by providing more resources, which is precisely what we are doing."

On Sleaze

"We are a party of principle. We will earn the trust of the British people. We've had enough lies. Enough sleaze."

Pure Garbled Nonsense

"...and if I could just correct one fact..."

"Look I’ve got my old pledge card a bit battered and crumpled...we said we’d provide more turches churches teachers...and we have I can remember when people used to say the Japanese are better than us, the Germans are better than us, the French are better than us, well it’s great to be able to say we’re better than them. I think Mr Kennedy, well we all congratulate on his baby, and the Tories are you remembering what I’m remembering boom and bust negative equity remember; Mr Howard I mean are you thinking what I’m thinking I’m remembering it’s all a bit wonky isn’t it?”

"this was released I think in February and so it is a great deal of fuss being made, it hasn't in fact been given public release, it was released in February ..."

"If I decide it is right to make a statement to this house, that's what I do, that's what I have done, and it didn't come from anybody else."

"The city of York already is a city, as is my own city of Hull is a city, and that I think is the definition of city and town."

"It's great to be back on terra cotta"

"we now have a satisfactory solution not only to coalition forces, but also to the Iraqi authorities themselves."

On Mother's Day

PRESCOTT: "Good morning David, I've already rung up and give my Mother's Day communication, have you?"

DAVID FROST: "No, no I haven't, the, well yes I have, I've done for Carina, I've done her Mother's Day greeting, my dear mother is out of range as it were" [dead].

On Conversation

"Conversation means you have a two-way exchange. You ask the question and I answer it. It’s called conversation."

On Norfolk

“Why would I want to go and live in bloody Norfolk? Nothing good ever came out of bloody Norfolk since Cromwell.”

I have no idea why the people of Hull keep electing the moron. The sensible ones have obviously voted with their feet; Hull has seen one of Britain's biggest falls in population with 17,100 people leaving in the past decade

In a funny sort of way I'll miss the buffoon. But not that much. Good riddance to bad rubbish.